Yes! Absolutely.

My 12 year old son only wants one gift for Christmas the gift costs $5000 should I get it for him?

Misia Julia, Relationships Specialist (2007-present)

Answered December 20, 2018 on quora

My answer did not match the previous responses on quora. And only applies to items which are legal, suitable and something which can be included into the home or your environment. 

Probably best to not bother reading further if this is a Santa Claus perpetuation, then the answer is more simple. … do it if you want to and can afford it. If you can't, then get a gift card to the value that is acceptable to you and maybe it is time to start dissolving the illusion of Santa!

My answer to him directly however, would be “‘absolutely yes’ my gift this year is to say that YES I want to help you get this item, sometime during the next year or month or whatever. However With 5 days to go, it won't happen for this year so feel free to tell me about something else that you want within my more usual budget of $x.”

Then make a time to sit down and find out how $5000 comes together, and how he can contribute and participate in this fund collection.

The fact you ask this question with possibility, tells me that you would consider buying this for him. Which also tells me that you would have the ideas, knowledge and ability to have a relaxed, discovery based discussion with your son. …this discussion doesn't have to be a sit down, single session.

It can be spread over many days, dinners and car drives.

It can be fun, curiosity based and fueled by possibility.

He can give ideas, you can give ideas, other family members can contribute. No idea should be measured by its possibility, but simply recieve as ‘yes, I could see that working’ or ‘whoa, I had't thought of that’ or ‘Hmmm, I'm curious to understand more about what you mean”

From putting things that he already owns and selling them with you on facebook or at a garage sale to finding out that ordinary tasks that you do in the home have a time value which may translate into a $value.

Hypothetical questions such as. .’if you had $2500 in your account, how much of that would you contribute towards this $5000 item?’. ‘if you had to choose 3 things to not do or eat or have over a year, what would they be? These types of questions can reveal a lot about your child s character and expectations. The interesting thing is that you may discover how important this item is, and what they are prepared to exchange in their life to move towards this goal.

It isn't about having your child earn money or work, it isn't about them doing chores. .. it is about being aware of the value of things in their life, and using this want for one thing to help them discover their own priorities. It is also about you, learning about your son, without directing him to achieve our succeed. Simply taking the opportunity to learn more about your son.

FIRST AND ONLY RULE. Your aim is discover more about your child. You are not aiming to buy or not buy something. That is your child's focus.

If they step away from wanting it, change their mind or become angry. You do not need to do anything nor try to get their interest back. Just be available and at some stage you might ask ‘so, do you want to still get that item you told me about? ‘ No, is completely fine. There will be other wants and ‘would likes’ that will come up soon enough

My 13yo daughter was very keen on the apple brand ear buds. Personally, they held no interest to me and I thought they were very pricey. But i don't refer to my knowledge to override or detract from my children's choices. Instead, as always, I said that getting those ear buds was possible but I was honest to o, saying I won't be buying them immediately, it will need some thought and discussion.

Bear in mind, I have practiced this approach with my children since they were about 8yo…so they step into it readily. But even families who step into an ‘absolutely yes’ approach for the first time, can make incredible discoveries together.

First I checked whether she had an ideal timeframe, and whether there was a time beyond which she just couldn't be bothered acting to. It turned out January sometime was fine because she still had time in the holidays to work out how to use them, set up etc. TICK

Then, we talked about features, what made these buds the ones she wanted. ..this also helped me understand what she was looking for and why, remembering that I was not familiar with this piece of technology. I indicated how much I was prepared to contribute, in this case about half, and what it meant I would not buy or do as I had originally thought. In this case, as I am overseas, I was just going to give her the cash to spend as she wanted, but I know she likes having savings.

Finally, I asked her to send me a link to where she would be buying it, and 2 or 3 more links to see if the prices are comparable or competitive. Perhaps me buying duty free would be a good option this year. We always have a research stage, even if it is for reading feedback forums or looking for second hand, as new sales. …we chatted back and forth on messenger and by email. Exchanging discoveries and thoughts.

THE OUTCOME? my daughter found a set of earbuds which she liked the look of and had all the same features, especially her main interest for a long playing life, for around $50 instead of the $200+ and asked that I order those for her instead and transfer the remainder into her account, so she still has cash to access later. All this simply because I said ‘absolutely yes’

I am not invested in what my daughters buy, soon enough it will be their own life and decisions which won't have my input. To me, whether they buy something big, small, cheap or expensive, doesn't matter. Whether they buy on credit, through savings or by finding another approach doesn't matter either. The process, the discovery and the experience is what counts to me.

I will still have my own limits. My daughters know that sometimes I do not have the ability to contribute in $ but I can contribute time or some other skill or resource. They know that thinking of ideas and hearing other ideas is important, as that is where even more ideas come from. You only know what you know until you learn something new! And finally, we all understand that things can get emotional sometimes. ..but if anger ,hostility or nastiness invades the space, then the process goes on pause until such time as that passes.

I do not act when someone is angry. I step away, do my own thing or if invited, help move through the anger and sadness and reenter when that person says they are feeling clearer.

When someone says they plan to bungee jump from the moon. My first response might be ‘whoa., I was not expecting to hear that today! ‘ tell me more about that idea. …I'm curious.

If someone says they plan to build a look alike mansion like what famous artist or singer had, I might say ‘Hmmm, what are the features you are most impressed by? ‘

Every want and desire is valid for what it can tell us about a person, it doesn't mean it will happen. I may not be the one that brings it to life. But I certainly won't get in the way.

Am I on track?

Message to those who seek alignment, clarity and energetic health.

To those of you who wish to know if you are ‘on track’ in life or in something specific like a working path, a relationship or some other activity.  There are ways of checking and knowing.  And like most things – even if you know, there is no need or obligation to act. 

Just accepting new knowledge can help you with clarity in a given moment.

Your heart will give you the answer everytime. 

Take a moment to ‘feel’ your life (or the subject you are looking to know more about) as a whole. 

Ask “Am I on track?” 

The heart will only give you one of three answers.

Yes – on track.  This simply means you are travelling on the path that is energetically ok for you.  Even if life feels chaotic, uncomfortable or distressing, you can still be on track. 

No – not on track.  This means you are travelling on a path that is not energetically assigned to you.  This may impact how easily things get done or how often you get sick or the type of road blocks you come across.  Life may still feel comfortable, easy and smooth, however energetically it may cause your body, your mind and your soul a daily dis-ease. 

There may be silence – no answer – because you are neither on track, nor off track.  You may have chosen to create or work to an alternate or preferred path which has a mix of energetic alignment and chaos for your greater self.

The heart will only ever tell you the truth.

It will only give you simple and clear statements.

It will not challenge you, but its voice and strength will fade the less you listen or act on what you hear. 

Your heart is a great resource and the only resource which knows the complete truth about you.

A question which can be very useful to follow “Am I on track?” are

-        “Am I in the right place?” OR “Am I travelling at the right speed?”

Importantly, when speaking to your heart, the question right does not mean right vs wrong.  It means ‘greater good for self’.  There is right and not right, but there is no wrong.  There is on track or off track, but there is no bad track.  Like tuning an instrument, two strings will either vibrate together and sound harmonious or they will not, but no sound is wrong.

When the heart has no answer – it may be because the answer is external to you, energetically around you.  There is a way of hearing answers to questions here too.  However, when we are not internally aligned, listening to external guidance can be limited, too selective to be useful or even, not possible.  Our emotional state creates an internal energy which can override inner truth, the ability to hear and listen and impacts our ability to receive new information.

Our hearts help us with our inner alignment, inner strength and sense of self. 

Our heart cannot help us with our behaviour, the words we use or how confident we feel at any time.  It is simply a guiding inner light to help us gain conviction in the behaviour we take on, the words we choose and the confidence we can build through practice.

Our heart is a source of simple emotions and the most essential of emotions.  Joy, Love and Sadness.

All the rest are emotions which develop from this core.  

All other emotions come from the mind or body.  

We are born with core energetic experience of Joy, Sadness and Love.  

We then learn and develop other simple emotions such as anger, happiness, fear either through observation and experience.  

Simple emotions can also interweave to create complex emotional signatures such as jealousy, excitement and guilt.

At all times – remember – we have ultimate power and choice.  It is always our choice to align or to be guided.  Our free will will form the basis of our decisions and actions. 

The energetically aligned path is not the easiest path.  Yet, it is! 

The important thing to understand is that there is no guarantee that being aligned or guided will give you an easy and smooth walkway through life.  It will not necessarily give you anything that you have specifically looked for.  However, it will provide you with everything you need.  

If you have many behaviours, decisions, tasks and emotional ie internal energy to shift and align, then the path may feel challenging.  There will be many moments of testing and checking your commitment.   With time, with practice and with commitment, the energetically aligned path that is best for you will become easier to see, to feel and to choose.  But like any adventurer dealing with an overgrown and unwalked path – the beginning can be the most scary, lonely and painful time.  It can find you looking over your shoulder, and wanting to be back on familiar turf before sun down!  What it will call on is your curiosity, sense of discovery and interest in being complete and whole within yourself.  

Your heart has all your answers.  Not all the answers.  

In the comments below or by email to misia.julia@gmail.com , let me know what you found most interesting or useful to you from this post.

Feel free to call out for topics or send questions - it may be the very nudge that helps me determine my next blog post.

ABOUT ME!

I am committed to energetic health and alignment in my own life and to help any other person who is looking for the same.  

I do this through energy readings, emotional health assessments and relationship development.  I am a big pebble in a small pond.  It matters not to me how many people I come across, what matters is that I act to the best in me, to respond to the best in those I cross paths with.   

Regardless of where I am in the world, I am able to work with you or respond to you if you are looking for clarity, direction or perspective on a personal matter.  I use skype, messenger and ofcourse email.  

Go to www.misia.com.au for more information or to book a consult. 

Should I wait or should I act? It isn't always easy to know.

What do you get when you put baking soda into vinegar?  What about an aspirin into water?  Or even changing potatoes from hard to boiled and ready to mash!?
Bubbles, agitation and maybe some mess if it spills over.

After a little while though everything goes back to looking like a flat clear and kind of plain, after the agitated state.

In life it is like people would like the change, but don't want the agitation.  It is fairly common to hear that people are waiting.  Not the day to day waiting like waiting in line at the busstop or supermarket register, or waiting for a parcel to arrive but waiting to know who they are. 
Waiting to find out what they should be doing or should be looking for.

So, the mildly dissatisfied government worker waits to see what type of job they want next, and in the meantime 3 years pass with no greater clarity.
A person with house duties and looking after the children, waits for their partner to get more involved with the children and maybe to make dinner once in a while, so that they can feel more confident or feel that they have more time to reenter the workforce.
A middle manager waits to be chosen in the next promotion, only to be overlooked again, despite the occasional intense discussions with their boss, pretty positive performance reviews and seeing other people moving upwards or into more suited positions.
Certainly there is a benefit to waiting sometimes.  Depending on your personality and anxiety levels, you may also need to learn to wait and there are undoubtedly examples in your life, when some waiting yields results where pushing may have been destructive or detrimental.  So, though there is usually learning that can occur 'while you wait', when do you know it is time to stop waiting and step into creating a new experience?

Yes, those moments we see in the movies and even on youtube, when someone does something 'for' someone.  Like hooks them up with a new job, because they just knew their partner, friend, family member would suit it more - is great.  An undercover boss, works and watches someone in their work, and so handpicks them to become State Sales Manager and gives them a bonus $10000.  These are all moments we wish would happen to us.  But more often than not, life calls on you to organise your own experience. 


So - if you feel that you've been waiting forever for something better to happen.  Follow these steps

IDENTIFY   -    FOCUS   -   ACT   -   CHANGE

1.  IDENTIFY what you want to have or do differently
2.  FOCUS and convert all the thoughts and knowledge you have into action steps, tasks, buttons and even research modules.
3.  ACT every day.  Assign a task to each day in your diary OR a timeframe of minimum 15mins of acting towards your change. 
4.  Review the CHANGE that has happened.  Schedule a once weekly, fortnightly or monthly review date.  This allows you to see what progress has happened, what you have learnt and what tasks can be added or removed from your action list. 

Expect and accept that emotions will stir and even surprise you.  Decide whether you want to give time to emotional housekeeping or whether, you are better off just committing to your progress and path.

For me personally, I like to do my emotional housekeeping regularly.  This time gives me insight into myself and as I am very focused on relationship building, healthy communication and overall wellbeing, this suits me.  However, I know people who prefer staying in action gear with emotional distractions being firmly and quickly placed to the side, and only reviewed after a month or so.  As long as you are acting to your values and strengths, the 'when' doesn't matter as long as it is the healthy option for you.

So WHEN DO YOU CHOOSE TO ACT RATHER THAN WAIT?
When the experience will give you more information and insight than waiting.  When acting, doing and trying will actually teach you how to do something and develop your own approach. 
I may love basketball and watch people playing and read about it and know all the stats, but until I pick up a ball, feel the weight and the texture on my hands and try to bounce, dribble and control it, I really don't know anything about the experience of basketball.  Shooting goals is its own experience that can't be measured by all the balls that go in, but for the ease, reliability and your confidence in getting the ball where you want it.

For the government worker just plodding along, it is starting to apply for jobs and realising that they don't really want to work in their field anymore.  Perhaps learning that they still want to have a sense of stability and security of income but perhaps want a role that is more or less challenging than what they do now.  The action of applying for a job can really help clarify what you want to do, are prepared to do and really do not want to do anymore.

For the person with house duties and children, it might not be about finding a job first.  It may be about coordinating house tasks and children with their partner, or perhaps, making other arrangements with a nanny or a regular cleaner.  Even the discussions or arguments that arise with a partner, can be a bigger part of learning about the obstacles and how you deal with them. In choosing to act towards what you'd like to change, it may be the experience of communication which teaches you more than simply applying for a job.

For the middle manager it is about realising that they feel hurt at being passed over because they thought they were valued by their boss.  So they have to either find other work or accept that they aren't here to be recognised, just to do a job. 

Like most life paths, there isn't a clear black and white answer to whether you should act or wait.  But if you know you have been waiting, and learning, for a while.  It is quite likely time to act in some way, to invite the learning that just cannot happen through waiting.

Just like the bubbles that happen when you put aspirin in water, it doesn't usually become clear immediately.  There is usually some turmoil, confusion and cloudiness.   Eventually it clears, you can't rush it, you can just act then let things settle.

When we make the decision to shift gears from waiting into action, it is just like changing gears in a car.  Much of the mechanics may be the same but it is a different experience and will cause emotion to stir.  When stepping into action, emotions can stir and fear can hit hard and make you want to shift back into waiting gear.  But just like moving a car beyond walking pace, you have to commit to the new gear and learn what goes with moving faster. 

Becoming distressed at 'not knowing' can bring out anxieties and a search for familiarity and comfort.  Along with all that, can also come the sensations of discomfort and feeling like you have no idea what to hold onto.  Be gentle with yourself, and firm.  Take those moments and simply accept that they make sense and in a bit of time, give or take a little bit more time, as long as you keep getting up with a focus on the experience and the learning, you will get through and be stronger and clearer as a result.  Just like stepping onto a rope ladder, you can do it fast or do it slow, hate it or love it or simply wish that someone was doing it instead of you, but at the end you have the actual experience which you can tuck into your savings bank of experiences, even if you never do it again.

The other thing to remember is that keeping the two things separate, won't help you get to the other side.  Staying in waiting mode, while watching or imagining the things that you could be doing, won't get you there. 
Keeping the baking soda to the side of the coloured vinegar, won't get that class project volcano erupting and giving everyone that memorable experience and maybe even an A+
Keeping the Berocca tablet on the side of the water, might help you keep hydrated as you sip away, but definitely won't give you the experience that you were hoping for.  No Vit B boost or hangover hit for you!

But what about security and stability!?

Well, the good news is that by choosing to shift into action for something that hasn't been changing, doesn't mean you have to let go of security and stability.  Simply ACT a little every day to the new experience, this can mean writing up a CV or telling people that you are looking for a PT job.  It can mean you complete a self development activity every evening for 15mins before watching tv.  The simplest of changes, can generate impact and change without actually changing anything related to security and stability.  Then, when the time comes, you may have gained the strength, conviction and inner stability to make a change in your outside world.  Like changing from second to third gear in a manual vehicle, a bit scary and tricky, but like everything, when you stay focused, the experience actually sorts itself out.

I could say "GOOD LUCK", but I know moving and creating your own change has very little to do with luck.  Instead I will wish you "THE FULLEST OF STRENGTH AND ENERGY" to keeping up the focus on your change.

If you feel like sharing, feel free to email me misia.julia@gmail.com or COMMENT at the end of this post.

I don't want to be happy!

I am sometimes asked 'Why are you so happy?' and my first honest answer is that in this moment, "I am not happy, however I am (usually and often) content."

Contentment happens and allows alot of room for other emotions to be.
This doesn't mean I have perfect days, with no frustrations or that things go my way at all times.
It also doesn't mean I don't have complaints or little life happenings which I would not have loved to have been different.  But in all honesty, I don't want to be happy all the time.

Just as I don't want to be sad all the time.
I don't want to be delighted all the time.
I don't want to be any one experience all the time.

I think our emotional spectrum is amazing.  I feel fortunate to experience so many parts of that spectrum.  I love that I have the capacity to experience many emotions over the course of a day.

Certainly, lingering sadness, resentment, regret or fear are not emotional states I wish to stay in, however I am glad for the experience because there is usually some information about my environment or about myself to be gained from the emotional moment.

I work to an emotional foundation that is not complex.
I believe we come into this world with an basic ability to feel alert, discomfort and contentment.

Unlike many emotions and feeling models and theories, I do not believe that happiness and fear are at our core.  I believe both are learnt and where being happy develops from contentment, fear develops from being alert.  Depending on your environment and what you have to learn from, feeling happy or scared or irritated will all develop with different strength and with varying priority.

I also do not believe being happy is essential for survival or life.  I believe it is an emotion that is born from contentment and it can definitely help shift a perspective and help you survive, but a life without happiness will not automatically mean you have a bad life.

What is it about this generation and this society that has come to believe that a certain level of happiness is essential to living a good life?

I may not feel happy over the course of a day, a week or perhaps even a month.  However, dependant on what else is part of my emotional diet - it is not necessarily a bad time.  I do not search for feeling happy, neither do I feel that not having a happy experience is a problem.  A bit like ice-cream, I like it and I would probably gladly eat icecream daily, however if i don't have icecream for a month, I will be ok.

Believe it or not - if my days and weeks are filled with a variety of emotions from the simple ones to the more complex, then I am alive and I am living.  As I am also receptive to my environment and interact with people who have the ability to input into my life, I may experience sadness, confusion, curiosity, fear, despair, satiation, excitement, fulfilment, dread, enthusiasm, anger and so the list continues.  I would begin to be concerned if a single emotion became dominant - and yes, that would include happiness.  Because isn't there something manic and even physiologically dangerous about sustaining a single state for a long period of time.

This is part of the distress surrounding stress.  In itself, stress is a natural and needed state.  However, as people live with an expectation or hope that stress will diminish, while not necessarily making any personal change for that to occur - the permanence of the state creates mental and physical health problems.  The occurrence is natural.  Cyclical resolution is ideal.  Permanence is not.

So too, being happy.
No, thank you.

I'm content.  That will do nicely.

Deprivation - good, bad or disabling?

Today i have found myself wondering about the impact of deprivation.  I have no doubt this is a topic which could be written about at length. This version however is just a step through of my thoughts as they arise.

It started with a pondering, whether I, as a result of a generation of parents who thought they were doing the right thing by depriving their children of things - have ended up disabled.  Without meaning a permanent disability, however, without knowing and learning and understanding how we are maintaining the disability 'given' to us for our own good ... we will perpetuate it within ourselves and, naturally, pass it on to our children.

I have known that living with the perspective of deprivation is not a healthy one.  As a result I adjust my experiences and my views as often as I can.  However, what would I need to do differently to not experience initial moments as loss, deprivation or missing out in the first place.

How do I go about healing this limp?

In addition, for as long as I have to 'work' on being ok with life being ample and having completely enough and even more being ok too ... this work is a reminder that the step into abundance, across all topics and moments in life, isn't the natural or automatic one.  It also means that I will have difficulty naturally letting my children have enough or seeing them want more.

This may not apply to my 2 year old, however it may start applying to a 6 or 7 year old and by the time they are in their teens, the attitude may have silently become its full grown self.

Whether we come from an upbringing of deficit or an upbringing of ample - as soon as we become adults we adjust what we do and what we have to matching what we want in some way.  Some people go the extreme - and just get everything.  THis is more a sign of not really knowing who you are, rather than making up a deficit.  For others, they become focused on providing for themselves the things that they missed out on - this can become obsessive.  Even people who have plenty, can act to this approach too.  Part of the excitement of liking something, is wanting more of it.  True in relationships as much as new toys, activities or friendships.  Over time often a  balance is found.

But what if a balance cannot be found because of the constant pull of deprivation being 'good' and abundance or more being 'bad'.

Even over an ordinary lunch this can be demonstrated.  While I sit in a dark lounge room ... one person may turn on two sets of lights which to my taste, give adequate light.  A moment later, the person concerned about electricity use, will turn one set off.  They will determine this to be enough.  Of course, everyone adjusts.  There is after all more light than there was a moment ago.  however, is it really enough - well, out of 4 people, 3 would say that it was still dark.  You couldn't ask the 4th person because their concern or reasoning will have skewed their perception of what was sufficient.

But just in this simple moment - every person is living in a form of deprivation.  And yet, if someone was to comment about how dark it is.  There would be a reaction from the 4th person ... and perhaps even person 2 and 3.. to say "But you have light!"  

Isn't it true though - that you can have light, but not have enough?  you can have food, but not have enough?  you can have a relationship, but not really have enough?

So after all that, where am I going?

Well.  I was thinking about this in relation to families, parents and children and basically any interaction where one person is recieving and another person is giving or controlling.  As a child I grew up very grateful for time I had with my father, beyond appreciation though, I was aware how tenuous and fragile that attention was.  In fact, I knew that the attention was not dependant on me or what I wanted, it was completely dependant on what my father wanted and if he happened to have nothing to do for a minute or two.  I knew as soon as something of greater priority would arise, there wouldn't be a second thought about him moving on.  

My mother was a different dynamic, but again, regardless of what my mother would say she gave or did, it was not enough nor what I wanted or needed.  There was light - but it wasn't enough!  Does that make me ungrateful? Or honest? Does it make me self aware? Or does it make me greedy?  In fact it doesn't matter, because I didn't request more at the time and years later when I recognised the gap and the consequences it had for me, it was something too difficult for my mother to look at from my perspective. 

So - my mothers story ... and probably my fathers ... is that I was given enough.  

Actually I was given MORE than enough.  And they are right.  From their perspective they were.  However

My story is that I had an emotionally and attention deprived childhood.  It wasn't that I was given no attention, in fact the focus upon me was immense, as was the expectation and potential to disappoint or say and do things which were disapproved of.  Neither was it because there was no emotion around me, there certainly was, but it was parent centred and I learnt to read, cater and facilitate to others sooner than understanding my own emotional space. 

I have no argument with the fact I was given enough food, clothing or shelter ...but even those things did not meet my wants.  They were adequate and I don't think I complained.  I knew they were enough, and I was grateful for what I got because I knew it could all be taken away quickly.  However, one bite of chocolate once a week didn't feel like enough.  Would one bar of chocolate, once a month, have been better?  I don't know.

All said, I didn't really formulate many wants because there would have been no point. But even if I had - they would have been 'safe' wants, ie, wants which would have been safe to expresseven if I had recieved them all .. would I have been satisfied?  Or was it really all too late - because of the mindset I had learnt?

These questions are just sitting with me, not needing direct answers now.  However, when I look to my children.  More specifically my older daughters and their wants, I easily determine something to be excessive or unnecessary, so I want to reflect and check whether I am inadvertently still acting to 'deprivation' and that having to wait for something to be fulfilled is 'good' vs 'bad'

I do not think I will change anything today.

I do not know for certain this changes anything in the future.

However, something niggles and for those who know me, when things niggle I'll pull the thread until something unravels!

I wonder if or when my concept of deprivation being 'good' start?

At age 7? or 12?

I know that my approach to parenting does not work to deprivation - simply to patterns and stages.  So I know that I have looked at this from an action POV a while ago.  This is me looking at this from a belief perspective and wondering whether I have good/bad in action and whether it is impacting how I see my daughters being given things or not....and even myself.

As usual - there is no real beginning or end to this reflection.  Just sharing.

No replies needed .... but of course, thoughts are always welcome.

Perspective : Beyond Feelings!

Sit and be ok with sitting.
Must it be either bad? or good? right? or wrong?

For all the things you do not measure - as you need not measure eg. air or skin cells,

There are many  things which you still judge to be wrong or right.

Look at these things.  How many are judgement of others? How many judgement of yourself?

I personally, can accept many parts of my life being in flow.  In practical terms it means if there is suddenly more laundry, less money, more driving to do, less interest in what I have to say - I can move into acceptance and stay in the present moment.  This has happened with practice.

 

"Over time, not overnight"

The skill of judging what is wrong and right is important.  

It is something that we all must learn in order to make decisions.  Being able to move between the family compass, the social compass and finally your own personal compass takes much attention and practice.  Knowing right from wrong is not as black and white.  However, as you gain that skill, it helps you navigate at times of pressure, confusion or when imposed upon by others.

Can you think of something which is considered right or ok in society? right by you but not right within your family?

What about a contrasting item.  Can you think of something that was considered completely right in your family and in your social and cultural space however completely did not work for you?

In my life, I grew up within a family dynamic where it was acceptable for adults to be angry and expressive of this anger, however there was a clear line between what was expressed in the house and not to be spoken about in public or with anyone else.  It was therefore right to have family experiences which were never shared with others, it was right to keep things private or secret and wrong to talk about bad moods, bad behaviour or anything 'bad' with others.  This was in line with my school and social community, although I could see the defining line was not as far into secrecy as within my family.  However, it was still firmly on the side of 'not airing dirty laundry' unless something illegal was happening.  My personal compass pulled strongly in contrast and it took me at least fifteen years to work out exactly how to work to expressing, sharing and talking about what is happening within a home and alligning it to my inner compass, that it is right to do this and even more, it is healthy for me because it allows and invites further input and learning. Otherwise, I would risk continuing to act as I had been taught because it is all I knew.

 

"We only know what we know"

 

Beyond learning how to determine right from wrong, to become attached to doing so all the time is not helpful.  As you emotionally mature and energetically expand, there needs to be a new level of awareness that for what is right at one moment, may be wrong in the next.  It does not change the quality of the decision, but simply be prepared to reevaluate and remain responsive in every moment.

There is a way of feeling and living and doing at the same time.  

Past, present and future in one moment - the holy trinity is in us.

 

Feelings acknowledge our history, our learnings and experiences. The past.

Living is looking to the moment and staying alive and having the experience in the moment. The present.

Acting moves beyond the present. It is our impact on our world, on the world and energetically, it is a truth which has substance and weight and visibility.  It is our link or outstretched hand into the future

For me personally, publishing this post captures this example. 
My feelings would indicate lack of confidence, caution and even some anxiety.  If I was to act upon my feelings I would not do anything, besides write a note or talk to myself.  I don't want to write and hit 'publish' because it feels unsafe and exposed. However, these feelings are there because of my PAST.  My experiences and times from the past which found me acting, writing, telling others something and a resulting experience of sadness, regret and pain.  
So I focus on the present moment and any stirring and observation I am given in this moment.  There is a sense of this moment, this writing, this expression being perfectly right too.  I am not doing wrong.  Nor am I doing anything else except capturing some thoughts which realistically may be read by two or three people.  So in having my experience of the moment, responsibly and alert and within the PRESENT. I am relaxed, content and happy.
I will therefore act.  In finishing this sentence, doing a spell check and perhaps some minor formatting - I will finish this piece and hit publish.  I do not know whether I will share it on another social media space.  For now, this action will connect this moment with the FUTURE.  Perhaps for the learning. No different to handing in a school assignment or work report, something easily forgotten and possibly never again referred to, however crucial to bringing things together and cementing something learned.  By contrast, perhaps it will be part of a stable foundation, a fundamental step or stone which forms a basis for something in my service, satisfaction and greater contribution.
I may never know any more than it was neither right or wrong, however it was still perfect.

My 'Good morning' Cocktail

The other morning, when I woke up, I turned my head to look at the clock and saw the numbers showing ‘eleven' something. My body chemistry changed within the instant.  Within moments I felt as though I had done something wrong.  I don't need to drink or bungy jump - my body knows how to deliver instant cocktail shots for free!

Even without knowing the exact chemicals that surged through my body, I recognized every experience.  Maybe one day I'll have them in some order, but for now here they are as I remember.

I was scared of something, even though I didn’t know of anything specifically scary in the moment.

I felt guilty, as though I had done something wrong

There was shame. A feeling of being bad in this world or for others in some way

I felt despair.  That feeling you get when you just want to shake your head while thinking ‘there is no way to make up for this?’

I felt sad.  I had lost something valuable to me, time.

I also felt shock.  The shock was the result of all these feelings coming at me so suddenly, so unexpectedly.  Shock and adrenaline to tell me there’s a problem and it’s happening now.

Gone! Within a split second, gone is any form of drowsy and peaceful waking.   

Gone! The momentary feeling of being refreshed and awake was gone! Weary hovered closer again.

Gone! Peace, calm and easy breathing replaced with alert eyes, shallow breathing and increased heartrate!

 

Well – GOOD MORNING MISIA! That shot certainly had me standing to attention.    

Unfortunately, this experience is uninvited but not unusual.  

I don't sleep until 11am often, so that is not the only trigger however I can recognise that it happens during many other times, not only at waking up but also when I've been relaxed or calm and suddenly realised I have forgotten something or lost track of the time.  It is comparable to being woken up to a gloved hand and a mysterious jab in the arm.

  

Like something in Downton Abbey, I could also hear a few other voices. The whispers and echos which come through the walls in susceptible moments.  Somehow, talking to me while talking to each other

“It would have been much better if you had gotten started a few hours ago” states a Disapproving self. There is no room for understanding, love or acceptance.  Self doubt raises its eyebrows and with one of those single raised head nods and grunts says "Yeah, she says she wants to work or get things done! Sleep really shows that!?”  I can hear the sarcasm.

I have had enough work and practice to not integrate or engage with those additional voices, to return to my own world and experience very quickly.  However, on this day I make note that those conversations are still there.  If they were neighbours I could dismiss them knowing that they were not part of my day nor my journey.  However, these are voices that still live within me, which means for me, they are still something for me to address.  Just like the laundry closet and craft areas in my house.  They are areas for me to attend to and though they are not urgent, they are still in my space and up to me to sort out, or discard or do something about.  They don't affect my day to day life, but at some stage, it will be time to clear in some way.

It was also time to note that with the shot and shock, gone too was the warmth of appreciation which I had woken to, knowing that my husband, Lionel, was looking after our toddler daughter, Elodie. 

Any contentment or feeling of satisfaction relating to the fact that I had been up at 7am and done usual morning routine things didn't feature enough to override any of that 11 o'clock experience.  I had made lunches, checked if my eleven and twelve year old daughters needed any help with getting school things or breakfast ready and supported the general activities and conversation of getting the family ready for their day before they left home for school.  Lionel left home with Elodie to get the girls to school and get a few errands done.  It had been a busy, productive and positive hour.  It had also been a perfect decision to get some more sleep as I had no appointments and was a bit sleep deprived from working late over a few nights.  I had no regret for my decision. I was glad to have the opportunity to sleep. 

But if my mind and body can have such an intense experience when there is NO actual sense of wrong, bad or error, then how much bigger or how different is this emotional experience when things are actually wrong somehow?! Where did this all come from? and do I need to know anything about the past in order to make a change to this body reaction which happens too often?

Sometimes people wonder or ask what do I do? or where do I even get the ideas for the emotional health pathways I create for people.  Well, here it is - it usually starts from a point of dis-ease.  Sometimes in myself, like in this example.  Other times when seeing or feeling experiences of dis-ease in others and those moments of imposed pain, unkindness or poor behaviour as experienced by myself or others.  It is these questions that usually are the start of my finding or creating a series of paths on my emotional health map.  This map is now a very large document which I hope one day will be organised and labelled in such a way as to be a reliable and convenient directory.  Not because people can't do it other ways, or even make their own way, not because there won't be many versions potentially - but simply because it is what I have been working on for a long time.  People can become healthier and improve the quality of their relationships, their behaviours and communication on their own.  However, it can be much easier using an existing framework to get started.  Even though I know Adelaide reasonably well, I still use hard copy street directories as well as the slightly annoying but sometimes more convenient GPS system when driving.  It doesn't mean I don't do it my own way sometimes, but just as often those tools give me direction, bearing and even the detail needed to get somewhere.

I'm curious about this as yet undiscovered terrain.  Without using other tools or survey equipment, I'm looking forward to the discovery and mapping out of how to return to our natural baby calm, regardless of the layers of learning, habit and biology that have brought me to my current state.  I'll let you know when I come upon the simpler path.  Until then, maybe you can let me know if this is ever your experience ... or whether you think I'm alone on a single passenger freak ride!