When "You Got This" Isn't Enough

Reimagining How We Stand With People in Hard Times

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There is a difference between empty encouragement and true accompaniment.
Empty encouragement may carry no real meaning—it functions more as a display, a social signal that says "I noticed your struggle, but I don't have the capacity, time, or willingness to enter it with you."
It can be well-intentioned. 
It can be functional.
But it often leaves the struggling person feeling more isolated than seen.

True accompaniment is different.
It doesn't rely on polished words or motivational slogans.
It is the willingness to be present, to acknowledge the cost of the struggle, and to stay near—even if there is nothing immediate to "fix" or celebrate.

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Sometimes when people are struggling, we hear familiar phrases like:

• "You've got this."

• "I know you'll get through this."

• "I'm here for you." (often said, but without much follow-up.)

Alternatives can carry a very different weight—depending on what the person actually needs in that moment.

Much depends on whether someone is seeking to feel understood, or to feel believed in.

• Understanding feels like a moment of connection.
  There doesn’t need to be any pretence of being able to do or offer more.
  No need to make anything happen.
  It’s the emotional equivalent of a warm, steadying hand: "You’re not alone."

• Belief feels like someone standing at your back.
  It’s the sturdy presence of someone saying, "I see how much this is costing you—and I still believe in your strength, even if you can’t feel it today."

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True support is not about pretending everything is—or will be—alright.
It’s about standing beside someone in honesty, even when you cannot fix or change their struggle.

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Sometimes true support sounds more like:
"I know that these words might not be enough for you right now, because I cannot offer what you are looking for, nor the resources that could help you through. I can only let you know that I am sad things are hard for you."

It’s standing beside someone with humility and honesty, witnessing their reality, not trying to edit it into something more comfortable for yourself.

True support is acknowledging that getting through something might take every scrap of energy—and still choosing to stay.
It’s standing by someone, whether the day ends in collapse or celebration, ready to applaud resilience, mourn losses, or simply witness whatever unfolds.

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🌿 What does work?  What are the alternatives?

"I believe you." or "I believe in you"
"I'm not going anywhere."
"It’s okay to not be okay."
"I'm proud of you for still being here."

"Take as long as you need"

or perhaps some honesty, simple saying "I know I can't offer what you need.  I want you to know that I am sad for you, and how tired you are and all the effort you are needing to put in to get through.  If you could ever do with a dinner companion, count me as your uber and delivery service"

I would love to hear:

• What words or gestures have truly landed for you in the past?

• What has touched you and felt meaningful when you were struggling?

• And by contrast, what kinds of words have you found hollow—hard to receive gracefully, even when they were well-intended?

You’re welcome to share your reflections, or simply hold them quietly.
Sometimes even the act of remembering can be a form of healing.

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🌿 Invitation

If this piece finds a home inside your own story, you’re welcome to share it or discuss it.  I know that it is important to identify the things that don't work or that we don't like.  But taking the time to know or at least trial what does or could work is equally important.