It is a Friday night and I am thinking it is a good time for an update
(since Conscious Eating (start))
To start, I am
going to wind time back another week, to last Friday when my oldest daughter
was playing summer season netball.
For those who don’t know, netball is a winter sport so the summer season
is a ‘light’ version. A chance for
players to keep their skills and fitness up. Kind of keeping their thumb in the pie but minus the extra
bits like cream, garnish, fruit and whatever else usually goes with a pie. But I’m talking about netball, right?
Anyway, here I
am, I got to the courts and delivered Elliot to the courts in time for warm up
and sitting in the café eating chips and gravy with a coffee.
I had had a later
lunch between 1.30 & 2.30pm, so at 7pm I was a little hungry but I could
easily have waiting until I got home around 8.30 or 9pm. So, why had I arrived here and suddenly
wanted to have something to eat?!
I know that part
of the influence was environmental, sitting down in the eating space where the most popular purchases were ... surprise surprise ... hot chips and coffees. So this, coupled with a bit of hunger and wanting to have a bit of 'time out' all came together nicely. What I know however, was that the
bigger part of what drove my actual decision to buy chips and coffee was
wanting to sooth myself.
Self soothing is
such a big topic and one I often explore within myself, with others and
particularly when helping parents with the little people in their life. It is complex because soothing isn’t as
simple as "do something - it's all better". No cough drop solutions here - Open it,
suck it and its all better.
It really does
depend on what is hurting or what part of you is feeling affected. Is it grumpiness? Or being pouty at not
getting to do what you wanted? Is it feelings hurt because someone was mean or
shocked you by their action? Or is it yearning for something that is a bit out
of reach? Is it feeling alone or empty? Or is it all that and more?
In MiMo, a
communication model which provides a framework for a healthy way to talk, the first
level is simply called ‘needs’ and focuses on the baby. When we think of a baby, we understand
that we are seeing and hearing communication in the simplest form. A baby cries and a person can choose to
respond. But responding doesn’t
guarantee a calming outcome. You
don’t always know straight away what the little one needs. Sometimes they want more food,
sometimes they need less light or heat.
They may be looking for some play or stimulation but after not even 6
seconds, they may be ready for something more calming. Finally, and as most parents and carers
know, a lot of time is spent rocking, bopping and helping the little one find
their calm.
This can be
challenging especially when you have other things you want to do in life like
go to the toilet! answer a phone call or were desperately hoping for more sleep. Add to that, the worry many adults have
about creating dependency which then leads them to withdraw soothing solutions
in order to encourage their children, their babies to become stronger. But rather like taking stitches out too
early, it doesn’t help to take something away before a hurt has healed.
How much do we do
this to ourselves? How impatient are we with ourselves to just ‘get over it’
but as a result, we cheat ourselves of time needed to just rest and heal. Losing honesty of self, missing
opportunities to express grumpy, sad, bored and all the rest as well as having
soothing time replaced with lots of alternatives such as food or some other
distraction.
Over the last
couple of weeks, I have been focusing on what I feel when I look for food at
times when I’m not hungry. Which
emotions find me looking for food as a soother? I know that being angry or frustrated may call for venting
or soothing by distraction, however definitely not food.
For me, it is
more likely being sad or feeling like I’m in service which isn’t in balance
with service for myself. As my
approach to self care improves, and I learn how to respond to my cries and
whimpers over the course of the day, not only more accurately but also to the
time needed rather than rushing myself through, I am feeling this will go some
way to changing if not reducing the frequency with which I look for a pacifier.
MISIA'S GUIDE POINTS
1. Continuing the
guide points from my last post. Including the 1 serve only of dairy/day
however I have found that I am not being drawn to dairy as often as I thought
was my desire.
2. Water anytime
and always. Although I have returned to a 1-2L quantity rather than 3L. This is partly to do with access to
water to refill, partly due to longer time elapsing between refills because I
get busy and another factor is not always having easy access to a toilet
(because of my 22 mth old being with me) and just not wanting so many toilet
stops!
FUNDAMENTAL
* Enjoying what I
eat. Which has meant often not
doing anything else except eating. No television or work or even eating
alongside my youngest daughter, because it is so easy to become mindless. Before I know it a bowl of food can be
eaten and I won’t feel that I’ve had anything.
BODY AWARENESS
In case you’re wondering – but has she lost any more weight?
Well, this time
the answer is no. My scales will
sometimes settle somewhere in the 109.something range, however not enough for
me to say there is a loss of weight over this past 10 days.
My body does feel
different somehow. Maybe it is
because I’m more hydrated but some of my skin areas feel softer. I don’t think I’ve changed shape
however I have been curious what changes have been happening internally.
Probably the main
difference has been feeling completely fine and not even having a thought for
food for longer stretches of time. So, my tummy isn’t squishing in such a way
as to get my attention.
In addition, in
between food, I notice the taste of my saliva a lot more. It is more sweet than savoury. I
usually notice it when I am drinking from my water bottle because I have to
suck in order to draw it out and as there is a bit of pressure, it draws out
saliva in the process.
FORWARD FOCUS
Over the next couple of weeks I will continue with my explorations and discoveries.
FORWARD FOCUS
Over the next couple of weeks I will continue with my explorations and discoveries.
I’m curious to
know what type of food I am most drawn to, now that dairy has reduced its pull.
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