As I see it!: 2013

"Two caterpillars were crawling along a tree branch one day when a butterfly flew overhead. One caterpillar said to the other, "You'll never get me up in one of those things"

This little story is told in the book - "Shift happens" by Robert Holden.

However it is a tale I've heard and seen in variations many times before.

I love this story as for me, it brilliantly and simply shows how we often only talk and act to what we know, and what we believe to be the present and therefore, without further thought, believe of the future as well. It shows how regardless of our views and what we think we know, life may have its own path for us and whether we choose to fight it or accept it, it is going to happen.

Gently, this story also reminds us, that not knowing is not a problem.

Not knowing is not something we have to sit and worry about or try to address because as long as we stay on track, life will have its way of steering us towards our future form.

Changing perspective seems to be a challenge for so many people.

Even more often, when we are told that there is one and our immediate response it that we don't want it, or we don't like it ... and therefore reject it.

Sometimes, it may be that we can see that what we thought was true, now could coexist in truth alongside some other truth, however ego or some other tension gets in the way of us facilitating the widening of our circle of view.

Many of us enjoy when something comes to us for free or is given as a gift. Why don't we enjoy when a different perspective is offered to us for free? It is a developed skill and takes hard work to change perspective on your own.

My daughter was in the car, looking for the cover to her tennis racket.

From her side of the car, just at the door - she looked in and said "I can't see it"

Her conclusion in that moment, understandably, was "Its not here. Where could it be?" and was thinking of other places it could have been placed.

I thought I had seen it in the back of the car earlier. So I said - "I will check. I'm sure it is in here"

Sure enough, as I opened the other back door, casting a little more light into the foot hold, the black racket cover was more visible. I said "It is here. I can see it"

Both of us had told the truth.

Both of us had looked with intention to find it.

However, I had the benefit of a little extra lighting and even closer distance to see what had always been there.

Fortunately, my daughter, was pleased with my finding. We were both happy to have solved the mystery and moved on with the next jobs for the afternoon. However, in that moment, I also saw that there were multiple other responses or reactions which could have arisen, and often do when people interact with each other.

When I pointed out the cover and picked it up and said "Look. Here it is".

My daughter could have felt accused of lying.

She could have felt bad or guilty for not looking hard enough.

She could have felt pouty or dejected about how bad she was at looking for things.

I could have also acted smug or 'better' than her. I could have made fun of her inability.

In that single moment we had choices which would have been self gratifying and divisive.

Fortunately - I had a holistic and cooperative approach in mind and this ultimately led my choices of action and speech.

Fortunately my daughter had enough self confidence and sense of self to simply accept that the cover was found, and that I saw it when she didn't.

But when we look to moments in life, when other people may reveal something which we can't see, why do those responses of self doubt, feeling bad or even suspicion of the other person arise. Enough to destroy the simplest path of response - acceptance, seeing the opportunity for new or different and perhaps even, joy or welcoming what that new perspective can bring.

There was another important factor.

The tennis racket cover had two sides. My daughter and I both remembered and expected to see a black cover with white writing, we had completely forgotten about the black side.

So the fact we were also looking for something specific - white writing to stand out and catch our eye - didn't help with our initial search.

So just like life and that tennis racket cover.

We are frequently given different perspectives for free - it is up to you to accept or reject the new thought. Acceptance however doesn't link to actually having to reposition yourself or use it straight away. Just like having spare towels in the cupboard, salt and pepper on the table or an extra notebook, you can just know it is there to refer to and use at some time in the future.

Also, though different perspectives can be affected by position and lighting, there is often another additional and very significant factor.

What are you actually looking for? and What are you asking others to look for with you? It is sometimes worth taking a step back and going for the broader search, just in case being specific is keeping you away from your ultimate goal.

Wednesday 3 July 2013

Your life 'One Hit Wonder'

If you could choose the 'One Hit' in your life - whether it was in your work, a product or technique or a future, yet undefined achievement - what would it be?

AND NOW - with that answer - when would you choose for that to happen?

Right now? or would you rather a couple of years preparation?

Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of "Eat, Pray, Love" talks about life 'hits' and genius and how to live within the thought of success rather than failure.

(related links listed at the end of this blog)

Elizabeth addresses the concept that in her case, it is very possible, after the great success of her book "Eat, Pray, Love" that her greatest life success is now behind her.

She gets reminded often, by other peoples questions, that her next 40 years of work could be a failure by comparison of her book.

We have all heard of artists, writers, creators who have a terrific hit and spend the rest of their life 'chasing' another one. And yet we are not surprised by this.

Do you remember Boy George and "Do you really want to hurt me?"

There is another way of looking at this.

The fun of looking at things another way is that, even the same questions will give us few fresh and new answers.

What if that 'blockbuster', that hit, that winning piece is simply energy coming together. A way of the world - saying 'well done' and from now on, if you choose to use it, you have been provided adequate resources - money, contacts and people who are inspired or listen to you - to continue in your lifes work.

For me ... and many people I live, work and share life with .. I know I have no best selling book or revolutionary gym product selling around the world. As yet, I am in a position of wondering whether I will have a 'one hit wonder', or whether every day is still just part of moving, growing and being.

Let us imagine that your 'life achievement', your single life success 'hit' is still in front of you - what would you choose it to be? What form would it take?

Would you know the answer?

Keep in mind, that it may then be what you have to talk about, repeat, be prepared to answer questions about potentially for the rest of your life, while moving forward with other things in life.

What would you choose your one 'life success' to be?

Or, do you already know what it must be?

This question excites me. I'm looking forward to some thinking and inner exploring time over the weekend on this one.

I remember an interview with John Farnham at least 15 years ago now. There was then some commentary about how other artists can really get frustrated and angry about a general public, even the media who keep going to the 'hits' rather than new work. He was then asked "Doesn't it annoy you that whenever you perform, doesn't matter how many new hits you have, someone always asks you to sing 'Sadie, the cleaning lady' again?"

John admitted to have had times he wasn't thrilled, and there were certainly times he got 'stuck' still singing in front of no one else but his family, but overall he said "Not at all, it is the song that started everything for me after all. I will always enjoy performing that - it is like a thank you for the life I have lived, and being able to do what I love every day"

SO - What is the 'one hit wonder' of your choosing?

What is the one life achievement that you would happily talk about for many years to come, which enables you to do and be exactly who you are for the rest of your life?

Thursday 20 June 2013

Life Supports

I don't really notice my legs everyday. Do you?
And yet - I don't take them for granted.
Do you thank your legs and feet for the job they do on a daily basis?
I know that I don't, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate the work they do.
And I haven't forgotten about them either

Is this what support in life is about? 'Support' or feeling supported is something that is challenging to completely understand as it isn't as tangible as legs & feet. It is a concept which is misunderstood and yet without understanding, it is still needed.

With supportive networks in our life, we can feel stronger and healthier. Without them, we can be fine but feel weaker, more challenged to know how to proceed. Our emotional health seems to factor in this 'vitamin' of support and yet, do we really know what it is?

My legs offer me balance and support every day. So much that I don't have to think about it. So much, that without one side available to me, it impacts almost every part of my day.

In 2010 I noticed my legs and feet almost every moment of every day for 9 months.
I noticed my left foot because I had broken it. It took more than 8 months to heal due to complications. I noticed my right leg because it was now expected to perform without relief and was tired and sore.
I certainly was made aware of how much my life is based on having 2 legs that just work.

Everything in life - from sleeping, having a shower, driving and even making a cup of tea was impacted by not having the support of both my legs.

There is no question that I could get by without a fully functioning leg in that time. The fact I thought that it would only be out of action for 3 months (at first) made me prepare differently that if I had known I was going to be affected for most of a year!

There is no question about whether I could cope. Of course I could. In fact, one day to the next, I did just that. I coped and made adjustments necessary in order to keep up with life. I had crutches, I used my rolling office chair alot and even chose to become dehydrated!?

How does a lack of support lead to dehydration?!
Well, something else I remember from my time with a broken foot was the amount of energy I had to expend in order to do all those simple tasks. Making a cup of tea was not a matter of going to the kitchen, making one and sitting down somewhere. I couldn't use crutches in the kitchen as it required two hands. I couldn't carry or move anything while using crutches - although my teeth certainly became more useful in that time! So hopping was the other alternative. It involved making decisions every step of the way - have you ever tried hopping with a hot cup of tea? Needless to say, I significantly decreased my hot drink intake. I actually consciously chose to stop drinking as much water because just going to the toilet was a big challenge! I became dehydrated by choice! i would calculate whether or not I really needed a drink as opposed to whether I had to go somewhere (eg. picking up my children was a 1.5 hr round trip by car) or if I was trying to get work done and didn't want to add 20mins to a task by having to go for a toilet break!
It was not a good decision, it was just A decision - just a way of coping with all the jobs which had become huge energy and time demands.

Is this what happens when we don't have the support we need in our life? We cope and make adjustments and keep going. Some adjustments can be used for years and others, like not drinking enough water, will, in time, have a consequence.

There is no question that we can live, can function and make decisions without adequate support. However, life is so much easier and smoother and more energy efficient with the right support.

So, what IS support? What is the right support? Do we know what we're missing? Do we know what we're looking for?

The concept of support can be very broad. Physical, mental, financial, emotional and even spiritual - what is it really?

Emotional support does have its similarities to physical support. It can make the difference between feeling strong in life, to feeling wobbly and unsure.

If I'm sitting at a wobbly table, i can easily make it stable by pushing a piece of cardboard underneath it. It will be fine - for me, for some time.... maybe for longer. So, in a way that temporary piece of card is adequate support. However, take it away and the table, on its own becomes wobbly again.

However, there are many more differences too. Emotional support is when you know there is a hand to hold or an energy to connect with which won't flick you away. And just through that knowing, maybe that reaching out - you find and know yourself again.

My perspective of emotional support is when you are in a weak or vulnerable situation, and know that you can look up and somewhere close by (whether on the phone, email or simply in your heart) you know that there is someone you can reach out and 'touch'. In that moment, you can regain some internal strength and balance and carry on. Emotional support is knowing that there is someone or something which you can completely rely on to be yourself, and with no more than a look or feeling, you can simply carry on with your life.

So, in terms of support in our life - each category of support has its differences. Physical support is tangible and solid, Financial support could be seen as similar in that whether it is sporadic or consistent - it is available when needed. Emotional support is a little different, in that it facilitates a person living, feeling and being themselves and being strong or stronger than when unconnected.

Most people know the feeling when their life lacks support. Sometimes the lack of support is what we notice more than the presence of it.
Like my choice to drink less water and have fewer hot drinks. How do you know that you haven't just become used to the gap and lack of support in your life and adjusted accordingly?

Take a moment, and let me know your answers sometime:
1. What is support to you? How are you supported physically, mentally, emotionally and more?

2. Where would you benefit from more support in your life? and

3. Are you accustomed to a support gap in your life? and if so, when will it be time to go beyond coping and adjustment and move to fulfilment?

I'm glad to have my 2 legs and feet fully operational again. And I will admit, that having lost that support, I am more appreciative of what I have now.

As has often been said, the experience of loss can really be an unexpected gain in the end.

Thursday 9 May 2013

Wow! What a Wednesday morning!

Wednesday 8th May - I woke and joined a North Terrace traffic jam in Adelaide at 6.30 in the morning (for anyone who doesn't know Adelaide, that was just astounding). And why? because Sir Richard Branson was coming to breakfast. I would be one of 1800 joining that breakfast but I was still excited.

Growing up I never had idols, I didn't have posters on my wall, I didn't hero worship any pop stars or politicians. I always wondered how it was that people could almost lose their senses over an individual, and that wasn't even in their presence. I understood the admiration for talent, or courage or achievement. I had that too - for many in science, technology, literature and through all areas.
But to wobble, faint and scream - what was that about?!

Occasionally the question would come up - "If you could meet anyone living or dead - who would it be? and discussions would ensue. It was a challenging list - not for lack of choice but for lack of desire to meet with anyone who wasn't already crossing my path. I would get as far as Michael Jackson as I could never believe the man we were constantly presented, and I would have preferred to meet him.

In my early 20's as I started in self employment and business, I started paying attention to a gentleman named Richard Branson. I wasn't too caught up in the actual achievements - it was more the manner or attitude he seemed to carry. He had my curiosity, but I didn't want to get his attention, nor find out what he ate for breakfast - I just wondered how real he actually was. I have never been one to be absorbed or entranced with the media, and so my curiosity was always buffered by an inner knowing that what I see or read or hear, is just that, a snippet of someones experience plus their interpretation.

In the 1990's when airline flights were scaled to unaffordable heights through lack of competition - Virgin messed up the stronghold and I once more, felt admiration stir for the individual who had the courage and perseverance to have started and finished that fight.

It was upon reading his autobiography that I felt that this man had credibility and strength and I came to admire his cheekiness, strength and courage and ability to live in leadership. I wondered whether I would ever meet this man, as I wasn't intending on signing up as a Virgin crew member, it seemed it would either be accidental or require alot of organisation. And then - the question would be - what did I actually want to say?! And the truth was - I didn't actually want to say anything. I simply wanted to meet this man, to feel whether who he was - in representation, matched a reality of energy and self.

On Wednesday, as this man entered the room, I saw and felt and could confirm to my core that he was simply a man, a man of natural manner, humility and a leader because he was on path, on purpose. I was overwhelmed and in myself, I wasn't sure what was going to win - laughter or tears. I think I did both.

In my bag I had an envelope - it contained an idea which I had scribbled down a year ago, with the desire to give to Richard Branson. I had no illusions about whether the idea itself was good or bad - it was only an idea, which within my own life I already work to and did not rely on further acceptance. However, I wanted to hand this to Richard. When I completed my printout and wrote the red letters 'Sir Richard Branson' on the front of the A5 envelope, I knew my chances of getting it to him were small. As I walked up the stairs of the convention - and saw just how many people would be enthusiastically around him - my realistic self had already calculated the odds.

As it came time for Sir Richard to leave, all I knew was that I would regret not trying and if embarrassment or worse, penalty would ensue for the attempt then so be it. Of multiple internal conflicts, one of the strongest ones was actually feeling sad that this amazing man, who seemed to have an ability and enjoyment of connection with others, would have to fight his way out of the venue and I didn't really want to add to that fight.

As it was - I ran ahead and as he stepped through one set of doors I suddenly saw that his hands were free and that there was space between us. I was able to place the envelope in his hands.

I did it!

Of course I am very unlikely to find out the journey of that envelope. From getting thrown out, to passed on to an administrator, to simply placed among much work paperwork - that I am unlikely to ever know. And it doesn't matter. Although I would love to show and tell Sir Richard what I was talking about, I know that that crossover of paths may simply not be in this life's picture and that is simply perfect.

Perhaps I will put up a wall poster after all!

Sunday 24 March 2013

Focus and Keep Going

There is a 10min video to watch on www.seeingredcars.com presented by Laura Goodrich.

The main point is

"You will get whatever you focus on"

That when you ask people what they want, they will be clearer about what they don't want, rather than be able to put into words what they do want.

Once that is established, the rest will follow. The points to act to are simple and listed below. Like with many of our life tasks however, the task itself can be very simple, however the challenge to act consistently for positive change or outcomes can be the greater challenge. The wonderful thing is - it IS possible - when you want to.

1. Make a commitment

Focus on what you want

Say what you want - to yourself as well as to others. (you speak is most important)

2. Monitor yourself

Be aware of your focus

Celebrate success

Catch yourself - gently stop, reroute when you find focus fading

3. Practice

Write it down

Be persistent

Picture it

From an Emotional Health POV I think it is important to acknowledge that when people focus on what they want, often it stirs uncomfortable emotions like doubt, fear, hopelessness etc and so it makes sense they go back to saying/thinking about what they don't want because it is linked to (after years of practice) to feelings of strength, power, hope. Almost like a cross wire - the positive emotions are being linked to the negative outcome!

It doesn't take alot to reverse it, though the first steps are to be conscious about the focus change and stay committed. Along the way, if you want to include the emotional element all you have to do if demonstrate the emotion you want linked ... and after a while the brain / body will do it for you.

This is how emotions got linked to tasks in the first place. Our families demonstrated 'stuff' and linked an emotion to it - and we copied them, hundreds of times.

2 really important things to remember along the way

Every moment of change is worth it.

Just know this and keep going. The smallest adjustment maintained and built on will lead to new outcomes. Emotionally, Physically or across other life pathways ie. in relationships, a workplace and so on. Even as just part of a learning experience, Keep Going.

and that is the the other one - Keep Going

There is a story of Cliff Young, a 61 year old farmer in 1983 who decided to run the Sydney to Melbourne marathon. There were lots of things he 'didn't have' such as training, appropriate clothing, running experience and the normal rules for running marathons. What he DID HAVE however was a desire to run the marathon, his feet and body and a constant focus for getting to the end. Which he did breaking the record by 9 hours. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WXXm-FVB58