Confidence - It's as easy as lipstick

For Eleanor Pendleton feeling flat and lacking confidence is sorted out as easily as lipstick. As long as you choose the right colour with your top.

But before you go out and buy a range of mood altering lipsticks to match your wardrobe, perhaps we should just double check that it is the solution for your day.
I would say that feeling flat, low in energy and maybe a little unmotivated does not mean the same as feeling a lack of confidence, self doubt and worried that others may not give you the time of day or respect.

Lipstick may be an ultimate pick me up, but realistically not applicable (get it?!) in all settings.  John may step into the conference room positively beaming with his new cherry pout, but may be setting himself up for an ultimate confidence tester when colleagues forget how to talk with him, or ask him for tips about the new L'Oréal range, of which he has limited knowledge.
Or are you unsure whether you were right to say yes to your daughter going out this weekend, after an argument which was not resolved? Well, I'm not sure scribbling "did i do the right thing?" in luscious pink on her bedroom door will do much to resolve the feeling of self doubt.
In the end - whether you need a pick me up, or whether it is a doubt you are trying to settle, the answer and calm can only be found within.

At those times, you need to tune in to the quietest of voices, your heart. Ask a simple question and your heart will give you a simple answer. Take it, this answer is yours and always true - even when it doesn't make sense, don't discard it - just handle it with respect and care.

When starting a heart connect - it may feel strange, kind of weak and leave you feeling a little confused about what to do next. Just like the start of any relationship, there are likely to be more questions and curiosities.
If for you, listening to your inner voice isn't the problem, but acting on what you hear is. Then practice treating every message with respect and care, instead of throwing out the ones that don't make sense or that you don't like or know what to do with, just start acknowledging that they are yours. That what comes from the heart is valuable. Let those answers be. Store in a cool, dry place like any lipstick or (for a less glamour example) like workman tools. You may not use it today, but treated well, it will be there to call on when you need it.

Chronic self doubt is only the result of having little internal truth to call on.

Your heart can guide you in almost every decision in your life, but it takes time, practice and patience to establish a strong and reliable connection.

Until then, there is always lipstick!

Focus on the Fruit!

Be scared!  Keep your children away!

Eggplants, onions and tomatos can kill!  

We know that eggplants, onions and pears are part of many people’s meals. These foods, as well as avocados, potatoes and walnuts are on plants which are poisonous.

Every part of the onion plant except the onion itself is toxic.  Avocado pips, the bark, the leaves and stems are toxic.  The outer green hulls of walnuts are poisonous.  Tomato plant leaves and stems are poisonous.    Even the potato plant produces a poison in its leaves, eyes and sprouts which can be fatal to humans.  There is a long list of plants, herbs and even flowers like the beautiful frangipani which are either toxic or poisonous.  Isn't it a wonder we include these in our diet, in our lives.

And yet we do include these foods in our lives. These foods among others are included into our daily and regular diets.  We make marvelous meals, create amazing dishes and even promote the versatility of ingredients on cooking shows and across cultures.  We include the colours or perfumes of flowers in our lives too.  

We have learnt so much about the benefits, the goodness and the value of these things that many people are not aware of the poison of the plant.  Another thing is for sure, we are not scared of a tomato or avocado plant nor do we keep our children or families away from them.

So let us take a moment.  Change the focus! 

What issue do you have in your life which could do with a re-frame?  Learning how to cook with the fruit of something doesn’t mean you’ve ignored the plant.  Learning more about the value and goodness of something will help you get a lot further than simply studying up on the poison. 

The internet certainly has its toxins and its poisons.  We can all list the negative impacts and problems of this amenity.  How much fear and focus do you place on these problems?  What if we spent our time learning and educating more about the wonders of this fruit.  Social media and the healthy delight it can be, rather than the curse. 

Divorce and split families, again there is no stepping away from the sadness of loss and the harm which can happen when people change their relationships.  However, there are many amazing benefits to people gaining strength in themselves and learning how to represent themselves in close relationships.   Focusing on the fruit doesn't mean ignoring the thorns, but split homes and divorce have provided incredible platform for independence.

Let us take a moment to consider the topics which are scaring you.  Did you hear about a problem in the news which needs your concern?  Have you been given a serious memo from your children's principal? Is there a topic which keeps getting you stressed at work?

I suggest that we could learn a bit from our attitude to food.  Transfer our existing focus on the fruit not the poison.  

We have become a society focused on the poisons and toxins of the new.  We have become a people choreographed into tiptoeing in fear rather than dancing and delighting in joy.  

I may not personally be able to change the information presented to me, however I can certainly choose what I focus on, learn more about and how to cook with it.

What would your life look like if you avoided or removed contact with toxic or poisonous flowers or plants?

Why not put your energy into learning about the benefits, the goodness and the value of the matters in your life.  How would it be to be aware not scared?

We don't need to avoid or remove the problems for the generations to come - why don't we simply keep exploring what we will work with, how we cook and show our children how to focus on the fruit. 

The amazing power of pressure

From the moment we are born we encounter obstacles.  In order to be born, we must push our way out or otherwise get out of our mother, in order to start the next stage of our lives.

If you think about it, how many people within that womb, warm and cosy, food provided with no need to breathe or eat would actually choose to leave?!  Biology (and the fact we keep growing) ends up strongly encouraging the birth process to begin - and whether a natural birth or any other variation, there is no going back once we are out in the world.  In that moment, everything changes and there is absolutely no way back.

If we fast forward a few years in the developed world, we find ourselves at school or in other programs which are education focused.  How often would we choose to move from one school grade to another without someone or something pushing us on? Although there is often excitement at the beginning of a new school year - there is often also trepidation, nervousness and even dread of the unknowns to come.  Suddenly the last year, which had its own ups and downs, seems comfortable, familiar and not really that much of a problem.  Fortunately, our school systems and often our chronological age determines that moving on and upwards is the next step regardless of our actual desire.  Again, there is usually no stepping back and though the changes may not be as huge as being born - how much of our progress in life is actually externally encouraged rather than independently sought after?

Learning can be exciting and stimulating.  There is no doubt that it can also be uncomfortable, disorientating and put us in high pressure situations which are challenging to understand or manage.

So, what have you constantly progressed in without pressure? What areas of life are only moving forward because of an external pressure ?
If that external pressure would disappear, would you really act or progress?  Most people would quickly say that they wish they were not put under pressure or experience unpleasant crisis situations.  However, if these moments didn't happen - would you have acted and made the decisions needed in life?

Who do you believe in?

How important is it to believe in your self?
Can you still achieve and progress without that?
What is that power of others believing in you?

I have been working on many skills and strengths over the last few years.  All these with an idea that I will then be in a better position to help others, know my actual path of service and have completed the merger between life and work.  The destination a way of living in love, passion and in congruence and alignment rather than separation, conflict and constant management of sections of life.

The main rules which apply to belief include
* you cannot change a person's belief, only they can, if they want to and when they want to. 
* beliefs are formed to keep people safe, and add familiarity to our actions and decisions in life. Beliefs are formed as a conclusion, a construct to help keep a person safe, however can start hurting you if they remain unchecked and unchanged.
* people do not often take time to clarify their beliefs. Beliefs can direct a person's decision, even if the belief is hidden and away from view or unrecognised.

Belief influences a person's attitude. Their attitude to life, or a person, or to events past, present and future. 
Belief also can choreograph emotion, creating whole scenes of feeling, layered over the top of life events.
Finally, beliefs and this domino effect, will contribute to decisions and actions. Most times, this is the entry point by which we experience people's beliefs.

For example, 

If Harry believes that advertising is a way of manipulating people out of money, he may receive sales phone calls with irritation, cynicism and distrust. Every call, every ad will stir feelings which leave him wishing it would go away. Just a phone call with a strange number will lead to decisions around avoidance, pushing away or even anger or abuse towards the caller.
Sally, on the other hand believes that most people we encounter are doing their best, just doing their job....and advertising is just another job. Sally receives calls with some curiosity and after hearing the product or service makes his decision according to his interest. Calls stir little emotion, when he can pick up, he does, and when he is busy, he doesn't.  If he doesn't like the nature of the caller or technique, he just advises that he isn't interested and hangs up.
Harry is often bothered, annoyed and cautious about calls and advertising. Sally rarely notices the occurrence, it is just one of many things s that happen in a day.

On the most part, we wouldn't have a discussion about people's beliefs but as friends or colleagues we may observe Harrys irritation when the phone rings, or hear him complain about all t he advertising and pressure. Interestingly, the topic of phone advertising is likely to not even come up around Sally.

Exploration, Experience and Enjoyment (Links & Information Blog)

This month I am providing a cluster of links & information with no particular story.  They are listed in no specific order.  

If you were at my recent workshop, you will notice that I referred to some of these links during the workshop.

EXPLORE! ENJOY! and EXPERIENCE!

Redesigning the Brain: Brain Plasticity

http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/series/12915

Book Recommendation: The Brain that Changes Itself (2007) Norman Doidge

Life Perspective (Baby loses job!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTgOLLmTQI0

Chronic Pain - there is more to look at than the body

http://www.hnehealth.nsw.gov.au/Pain/Pages/Educational-videos.aspx

Remember: Follow your heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5SMyfbWYyE

Recommendation: About Time (Movie just released in SA this week) 

Body Exercises - Positive Focus

Eye exercises to do whether you wear glasses or not.  Many people store tension in the muscles around their eyes. 5min/day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAF07V_FWe8

Emotional Health - How it impacts your health.

All body release therapy: Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5JC7c9hkPY

Perspectives - Free for all

Have you heard the story of the caterpillars on the leaf?

"Two caterpillars were crawling along a tree branch one day when a butterfly flew overhead.  One caterpillar said to the other, "You'll never get me up in one of those things"

This little story is told in the book - "Shift happens" by Robert Holden.

However it is a tale I've heard and seen in variations many times before.

I love this story as for me, it brilliantly and simply shows how we often only talk and act to what we know, and what we believe to be the present and therefore, without further thought, believe of the future as well.  It shows how regardless of our views and what we think we know, life may have its own path for us and whether we choose to fight it or accept it, it is going to happen.  

Gently, this story also reminds us, that not knowing is not a problem.  

Not knowing is not something we have to sit and worry about or try to address because as long as we stay on track, life will have its way of steering us towards our future form. 

Changing perspective seems to be a challenge for so many people.

Even more often, when we are told that there is one and our immediate response it that we don't want it, or we don't like it ... and therefore reject it. 

Sometimes, it may be that we can see that what we thought was true, now could coexist in truth alongside some other truth, however ego or some other tension gets in the way of us facilitating the widening of our circle of view.

Many of us enjoy when something comes to us for free or is given as a gift.  Why don't we enjoy when a different perspective is offered to us for free?  It is a developed skill and takes hard work to change perspective on your own.  

My daughter was in the car, looking for the cover to her tennis racket.

From her side of the car, just at the door - she looked in and said "I can't see it"

Her conclusion in that moment, understandably, was "Its not here.  Where could it be?" and was thinking of other places it could have been placed.

I thought I had seen it in the back of the car earlier.  So I said - "I will check.  I'm sure it is in here"

Sure enough, as I opened the other back door, casting a little more light into the foot hold, the black racket cover was more visible.  I said "It is here.  I can see it"

Both of us had told the truth.

Both of us had looked with intention to find it.

However, I had the benefit of a little extra lighting and even closer distance to see what had always been there.

Fortunately, my daughter, was pleased with my finding.  We were both happy to have solved the mystery and moved on with the next jobs for the afternoon.  However, in that moment, I also saw that there were multiple other responses or reactions which could have arisen, and often do when people interact with each other.

When I pointed out the cover and picked it up and said "Look.  Here it is".

My daughter could have felt accused of lying. 

She could have felt bad or guilty for not looking hard enough.

She could have felt pouty or dejected about how bad she was at looking for things.

I could have also acted smug or 'better' than her.  I could have made fun of her inability.

In that single moment we had choices which would have been self gratifying and divisive. 

Fortunately - I had a holistic and cooperative approach in mind and this ultimately led my choices of action and speech.  

Fortunately my daughter had enough self confidence and sense of self to simply accept that the cover was found, and that I saw it when she didn't.

But when we look to moments in life, when other people may reveal something which we can't see, why do those responses of self doubt, feeling bad or even suspicion of the other person arise.  Enough to destroy the simplest path of response - acceptance, seeing the opportunity for new or different and perhaps even, joy or welcoming what that new perspective can bring.

There was another important factor.

The tennis racket cover had two sides.  My daughter and I both remembered and expected to see a black cover with white writing, we had completely forgotten about the black side.  

So the fact we were also looking for something specific - white writing to stand out and catch our eye - didn't help with our initial search.  

So just like life and that tennis racket cover.  

We are frequently given different perspectives for free - it is up to you to accept or reject the new thought.  Acceptance however doesn't link to actually having to reposition yourself or use it straight away.  Just like having spare towels in the cupboard, salt and pepper on the table or an extra notebook, you can just know it is there to refer to and use at some time in the future.  

Also, though different perspectives can be affected by position and lighting, there is often another additional and very significant factor.  

What are you actually looking for? and What are you asking others to look for with you?  It is sometimes worth taking a step back and going for the broader search, just in case being specific is keeping you away from your ultimate goal.

Your life 'One Hit Wonder'

If you could choose the 'One Hit' in your life - whether it was in your work, a product or technique or a future, yet undefined achievement - what would it be?

AND NOW - with that answer - when would you choose for that to happen?

Right now? or would you rather a couple of years preparation?

Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of "Eat, Pray, Love" talks about life 'hits' and genius and how to live within the thought of success rather than failure. 

(related links listed at the end of this blog)

Elizabeth addresses the concept that in her case, it is very possible, after the great success of her book "Eat, Pray, Love" that her greatest life success is now behind her.   

She gets reminded often, by other peoples questions, that her next 40 years of work could be a failure by comparison of her book.   

We have all heard of artists, writers, creators who have a terrific hit and spend the rest of their life 'chasing' another one.  And yet we are not surprised by this.

Do you remember Boy George and "Do you really want to hurt me?" 

There is another way of looking at this.  

The fun of looking at things another way is that, even the same questions will give us few fresh and new answers.  

What if that 'blockbuster', that hit, that winning piece is simply energy coming together.  A way of the world - saying 'well done' and from now on, if you choose to use it, you have been provided adequate resources - money, contacts and people who are inspired or listen to you - to continue in your lifes work.

For me ... and many people I live, work and share life with .. I know I have no best selling book or revolutionary gym product selling around the world.  As yet, I am in a position of wondering whether I will have a 'one hit wonder', or whether every day is still just part of moving, growing and being.

Let us imagine that your 'life achievement', your single life success 'hit' is still in front of you - what would you choose it to be?  What form would it take?

Would you know the answer?

Keep in mind, that it may then be what you have to talk about, repeat, be prepared to answer questions about potentially for the rest of your life, while moving forward with other things in life.

What would you choose your one 'life success' to be?

Or, do you already know what it must be?

This question excites me.  I'm looking forward to some thinking and inner exploring time over the weekend on this one.

I remember an interview with John Farnham at least 15 years ago now.  There was then some commentary about how other artists can really get frustrated and angry about a general public, even the media who keep going to the 'hits' rather than new work.  He was then asked "Doesn't it annoy you that whenever you perform, doesn't matter how many new hits you have, someone always asks you to sing 'Sadie, the cleaning lady' again?"

John admitted to have had times he wasn't thrilled, and there were certainly times he got 'stuck' still singing in front of no one else but his family, but overall he said "Not at all, it is the song that started everything for me after all.  I will always enjoy performing that - it is like a thank you for the life I have lived, and being able to do what I love every day"

SO - What is the 'one hit wonder' of your choosing?

What is the one life achievement that you would happily talk about for many years to come, which enables you to do and be exactly who you are for the rest of your life?

Related links

Elizabeth Gilbert - Your elusive Genius

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html

John Farnham

Original song 1967

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPBQjPXofTY

50 years later! (starts ~1.30m)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9a-uc5VJqU

Boy George 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBStEKCysck