Full circles and ripples of thought

A long time favourite song of mine, Les Moulins de mon coeur (The windmills of my heart) by Michel Legrand, composed in 1968 with lyrics by Eddy Marnay has been a long time favourite of mine.  

https://lyricstranslate.com/fr/les-moulins-de-mon-coeur-windmills-my-heart.html

The English version, The Windmills of your Mind pushed the song to a broader audience through the film, The Thomas Crowne Affair (1968) with lyrics by Alan and Marilyn Bergman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPNx5ydr8VI

https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/5298908/Michel+Legrand/The+Windmills+of+Your+Mind

It is such a fascinating contrast that one language speaks to the spirals of the heart while the other, of the mind.  One refers to the pulse in life, the circular events and feelings and the inevitability of repetition. To feel the same when it is clear things are not the same.  The other version, also captures the rotation and spirals with a leaning to the turnings, churnings of the mind. Originally sung by Noel Harrison with a gentle impatience, and agitation which could either resolve or escalate towards anxiety.  Talking of same places and events and yet, nothing ever truly being the same.   To me, both versions and later versions sung by Dusty Springfield or Sting are beautiful poems with a melody which, regardless of the focus, nurture the descriptions perfectly.  

But this isn't a song review! (who would have guessed!?)

Situations coming full circle in life doesn't always feel fun or positive.  It can feel repetitive, like failure and a sign that for all the action, efforts and belief that you have changed something, in effect, nothing changed. 

A person who has lived out of home and lived independently, moves back in with family and could feel as though they have gone backwards.  A young couple however, may talk with family and move back home as a strategy for saving for a future house deposit.  The perspective of possibility makes the difference between feeling failure or hope.

In many human interactions from parenting and families, to businesses and management teams, the outcomes and quality of relationships provide the evidence for the more silent yet consistent traps, habits and patterned effect of trauma, generational attachment and even, communication styles.  Repetition is powerful regardless of how conscious or aware anyone is to it.   From healthy growth mindset in finance or entrepreneurial progress to the more challenging dynamics of abuse, addiction or control can be explained, where the skills and behaviours of one generation determine the direction of the next.  Where, despite the resources being different and the environment looking different, the relationship dynamics are repeated.  With no conscious input this plays out in health and in disorder.  For those individuals doing inner self work, reparenting, conscious communication shifts and actively seeking out other ways.

In some ways - coming full circle can be a great opportunity to see who you are and how you act.  Whether your current version of self is as different, as evolved or as grown as you thought.  Not to check for failure - but more to check whether your perspectives and skills come together in an 'old' environment, and show you your stronger or healthier self.  

Coming full circle can definitely show you that you no longer fit in a space at all.  You can return into a family dynamic which is in such conflict with who you are, that resolution or even just tolerating the space is impossible in a healthy way.  It can feel confronting and sad to see that connection, however feeble, is lost.  Elements like shared humour may no longer be accessible because once upon a time, connection was gained through laughing or diminishing others, and you can no longer do that without the knowledge that it is unkind and wrong.  It could be more practical, you may have a greater awareness of your sensitivities or inflammatory triggers, and so cooking together may no longer be a pleasure nor comfort.  Without accommodations or at the least, some discussion to know what can be prepared together in the kitchen, the act of sharing space decreases.

Taken from www.facebook.com/share/DUBAEBiUwT9KDkL5/

"1973 project regarding growth and tree spacing in southern Japan.

Researchers planted trees in 10 degree radial increments to form 10 concentric circles. It was a study to determine if trees' growth would be affected by planting density."

I was reflecting on this picture, on this project without any other inputs than the post and picture.  Seeing that after 50 years it does show that the centre trees are still the smallest, in this case, even though they were planted at the same time.  

However, they are crucial, and definitely a factor in the outer circle being the stronger and taller ones.

I wonder how much this is played out in our organic human existence.  

A pattern nowhere near as visible as these trees.  As a person or a group of people in a generation of humans, make a significant change of structure (and purpose and beliefs) that even for the years to come, they may still feel fragile, smaller, less recognised and from that centre position, wonder, 'was any of the change and effort and focus worth it?'.  Even with the mindset that "Every little bit matters" and "Every action counts", day to day life can become or feel a bit pointless or despairing to those whose entire focus and energy goes into the change.  

Those who come after have the space and place held for them, the resource access the stability of environment to expand, explore and ensure evolution happens.  This doesn't make their life easier, it simply allows their life to be different.  That when they look around they are exposed to two foundations - the old, the traditional and from the picture, the 'normal' planting of rows as well as the alternative, the new and from that picture again, the circular centre.   

In the case of trees, there will be little change in position over time, so the measures which indicate difference and strength will be in the size and overall health of the tree.  In humans, it might be the ability to accept rather than fight, communicate rather than suppress and maintain stability rather than live in confusion or inner chaos. 

Todays post does not come full circle.  Or from my vantage point in a meeting room in a local library, I only see some words and wonderings come together randomly simply because I haven't found focus on another task.  A consequence of a low energy log in to this account after five years away.  But one day, I may look back and see that it is just part of the less visible inner circle of my own challenges and changes in life, but from an aerial view, completely significant and supportive of any of the progress or growth to come.

For those interested, the melody to Les Moulins de mon coeur is said to have been inspired by Sinfonia Koncertante for Violin and Viola K364 by Mozart, 1779.

Three little words

"Tell me more" I heard my four year old say.

I was at the kitchen table.  One half filled with magnetic toys, dinosaurs talking with ooshies and other random, but not random to my daughter, bits and pieces which have needed attention during the day.  The other half of the table had two placemats for our rather late summer dinner. It was nearly 9pm but we had not been hungry earlier and there is always so much to do.  Elodie had some drawings she needed to finish and I was preparing some lunches for the week ahead.  In between our busy-ness, we chatted a little bit but not too much.  Eventually I said to Elodie that it was probably a good idea that we either eat the food I'd set aside, or I could put it away.   I asked whether the half of the table which we were to eat at, could be cleared.  Elodie said 'of course.  I need some help though' and I let her know I would be right there, as soon as I had the kitchen benches cleared. 

As I was ready to be at the table, I could see that it had not quite been cleared.  There had been animals, or other things which had caught Elodie's attention as she had started clearing.  I nudged things to the side with a serious expression on my face.  Neither happy nor sad, but focused.  Elodie asked if I was angry and i said 'no, I'm a little frustrated but I'm just focusing on getting this half of the table ready'. 

She looked at me and said "Mama, tell me more"

I could tell her that I was only frustrated because I felt that we had both been doing our own jobs for a while and now it seemed to be taking so long, for us to sit down together.  It was like I was now losing together time.

Elodie said she had a great idea.  She moved her chair ALOT closer and said "I can now hold your hand" and although I had not needed a solution nor more contact, she was very pleased with her idea and how close she was able to come. 

"Tell me more"

I have said this and more than a few variations over the years.  To Elodie, when she has been grumpy, I'll have said "I can see you're angry.  You wish something was different don't you?  Do you want to tell me more"

To her sister, when there are obviously things on her mind, I'd say "If you change your mind and want to tell me more, I'm listening" or

To my partner, it may be as simple as saying "Tell me more" with the understanding that it isn't an instruction nor a demand.  It is an understood invitation, which is easy to decline and easy to return to "I can tell you more about .... now"

These three little words can convey love, care, interest and consideration for a persons space, feelings and experience. 

In our home, these words have as much, or perhaps more power than "I love you".  We all know that we love each other.  A way of indicating that someone is opening up the option to share: "I'm listening if you want to tell me more" - to me, this is true care, generosity and a initiation of acceptance. If distilled, would these be the micro ingredients to Love?  

In all. I am so incredibly blessed to hear that Elodie is now able to offer this too.  

* this post was written in January 2020.  Only published today because I returned to this blog after a few years away.