Confidence - It's as easy as lipstick

For Eleanor Pendleton feeling flat and lacking confidence is sorted out as easily as lipstick. As long as you choose the right colour with your top.

But before you go out and buy a range of mood altering lipsticks to match your wardrobe, perhaps we should just double check that it is the solution for your day.
I would say that feeling flat, low in energy and maybe a little unmotivated does not mean the same as feeling a lack of confidence, self doubt and worried that others may not give you the time of day or respect.

Lipstick may be an ultimate pick me up, but realistically not applicable (get it?!) in all settings.  John may step into the conference room positively beaming with his new cherry pout, but may be setting himself up for an ultimate confidence tester when colleagues forget how to talk with him, or ask him for tips about the new L'Oréal range, of which he has limited knowledge.
Or are you unsure whether you were right to say yes to your daughter going out this weekend, after an argument which was not resolved? Well, I'm not sure scribbling "did i do the right thing?" in luscious pink on her bedroom door will do much to resolve the feeling of self doubt.
In the end - whether you need a pick me up, or whether it is a doubt you are trying to settle, the answer and calm can only be found within.

At those times, you need to tune in to the quietest of voices, your heart. Ask a simple question and your heart will give you a simple answer. Take it, this answer is yours and always true - even when it doesn't make sense, don't discard it - just handle it with respect and care.

When starting a heart connect - it may feel strange, kind of weak and leave you feeling a little confused about what to do next. Just like the start of any relationship, there are likely to be more questions and curiosities.
If for you, listening to your inner voice isn't the problem, but acting on what you hear is. Then practice treating every message with respect and care, instead of throwing out the ones that don't make sense or that you don't like or know what to do with, just start acknowledging that they are yours. That what comes from the heart is valuable. Let those answers be. Store in a cool, dry place like any lipstick or (for a less glamour example) like workman tools. You may not use it today, but treated well, it will be there to call on when you need it.

Chronic self doubt is only the result of having little internal truth to call on.

Your heart can guide you in almost every decision in your life, but it takes time, practice and patience to establish a strong and reliable connection.

Until then, there is always lipstick!

Focus on the Fruit!

Be scared!  Keep your children away!

Eggplants, onions and tomatos can kill!  

We know that eggplants, onions and pears are part of many people’s meals. These foods, as well as avocados, potatoes and walnuts are on plants which are poisonous.

Every part of the onion plant except the onion itself is toxic.  Avocado pips, the bark, the leaves and stems are toxic.  The outer green hulls of walnuts are poisonous.  Tomato plant leaves and stems are poisonous.    Even the potato plant produces a poison in its leaves, eyes and sprouts which can be fatal to humans.  There is a long list of plants, herbs and even flowers like the beautiful frangipani which are either toxic or poisonous.  Isn't it a wonder we include these in our diet, in our lives.

And yet we do include these foods in our lives. These foods among others are included into our daily and regular diets.  We make marvelous meals, create amazing dishes and even promote the versatility of ingredients on cooking shows and across cultures.  We include the colours or perfumes of flowers in our lives too.  

We have learnt so much about the benefits, the goodness and the value of these things that many people are not aware of the poison of the plant.  Another thing is for sure, we are not scared of a tomato or avocado plant nor do we keep our children or families away from them.

So let us take a moment.  Change the focus! 

What issue do you have in your life which could do with a re-frame?  Learning how to cook with the fruit of something doesn’t mean you’ve ignored the plant.  Learning more about the value and goodness of something will help you get a lot further than simply studying up on the poison. 

The internet certainly has its toxins and its poisons.  We can all list the negative impacts and problems of this amenity.  How much fear and focus do you place on these problems?  What if we spent our time learning and educating more about the wonders of this fruit.  Social media and the healthy delight it can be, rather than the curse. 

Divorce and split families, again there is no stepping away from the sadness of loss and the harm which can happen when people change their relationships.  However, there are many amazing benefits to people gaining strength in themselves and learning how to represent themselves in close relationships.   Focusing on the fruit doesn't mean ignoring the thorns, but split homes and divorce have provided incredible platform for independence.

Let us take a moment to consider the topics which are scaring you.  Did you hear about a problem in the news which needs your concern?  Have you been given a serious memo from your children's principal? Is there a topic which keeps getting you stressed at work?

I suggest that we could learn a bit from our attitude to food.  Transfer our existing focus on the fruit not the poison.  

We have become a society focused on the poisons and toxins of the new.  We have become a people choreographed into tiptoeing in fear rather than dancing and delighting in joy.  

I may not personally be able to change the information presented to me, however I can certainly choose what I focus on, learn more about and how to cook with it.

What would your life look like if you avoided or removed contact with toxic or poisonous flowers or plants?

Why not put your energy into learning about the benefits, the goodness and the value of the matters in your life.  How would it be to be aware not scared?

We don't need to avoid or remove the problems for the generations to come - why don't we simply keep exploring what we will work with, how we cook and show our children how to focus on the fruit. 

The amazing power of pressure

From the moment we are born we encounter obstacles.  In order to be born, we must push our way out or otherwise get out of our mother, in order to start the next stage of our lives.

If you think about it, how many people within that womb, warm and cosy, food provided with no need to breathe or eat would actually choose to leave?!  Biology (and the fact we keep growing) ends up strongly encouraging the birth process to begin - and whether a natural birth or any other variation, there is no going back once we are out in the world.  In that moment, everything changes and there is absolutely no way back.

If we fast forward a few years in the developed world, we find ourselves at school or in other programs which are education focused.  How often would we choose to move from one school grade to another without someone or something pushing us on? Although there is often excitement at the beginning of a new school year - there is often also trepidation, nervousness and even dread of the unknowns to come.  Suddenly the last year, which had its own ups and downs, seems comfortable, familiar and not really that much of a problem.  Fortunately, our school systems and often our chronological age determines that moving on and upwards is the next step regardless of our actual desire.  Again, there is usually no stepping back and though the changes may not be as huge as being born - how much of our progress in life is actually externally encouraged rather than independently sought after?

Learning can be exciting and stimulating.  There is no doubt that it can also be uncomfortable, disorientating and put us in high pressure situations which are challenging to understand or manage.

So, what have you constantly progressed in without pressure? What areas of life are only moving forward because of an external pressure ?
If that external pressure would disappear, would you really act or progress?  Most people would quickly say that they wish they were not put under pressure or experience unpleasant crisis situations.  However, if these moments didn't happen - would you have acted and made the decisions needed in life?

Who do you believe in?

How important is it to believe in your self?
Can you still achieve and progress without that?
What is that power of others believing in you?

I have been working on many skills and strengths over the last few years.  All these with an idea that I will then be in a better position to help others, know my actual path of service and have completed the merger between life and work.  The destination a way of living in love, passion and in congruence and alignment rather than separation, conflict and constant management of sections of life.

The main rules which apply to belief include
* you cannot change a person's belief, only they can, if they want to and when they want to. 
* beliefs are formed to keep people safe, and add familiarity to our actions and decisions in life. Beliefs are formed as a conclusion, a construct to help keep a person safe, however can start hurting you if they remain unchecked and unchanged.
* people do not often take time to clarify their beliefs. Beliefs can direct a person's decision, even if the belief is hidden and away from view or unrecognised.

Belief influences a person's attitude. Their attitude to life, or a person, or to events past, present and future. 
Belief also can choreograph emotion, creating whole scenes of feeling, layered over the top of life events.
Finally, beliefs and this domino effect, will contribute to decisions and actions. Most times, this is the entry point by which we experience people's beliefs.

For example, 

If Harry believes that advertising is a way of manipulating people out of money, he may receive sales phone calls with irritation, cynicism and distrust. Every call, every ad will stir feelings which leave him wishing it would go away. Just a phone call with a strange number will lead to decisions around avoidance, pushing away or even anger or abuse towards the caller.
Sally, on the other hand believes that most people we encounter are doing their best, just doing their job....and advertising is just another job. Sally receives calls with some curiosity and after hearing the product or service makes his decision according to his interest. Calls stir little emotion, when he can pick up, he does, and when he is busy, he doesn't.  If he doesn't like the nature of the caller or technique, he just advises that he isn't interested and hangs up.
Harry is often bothered, annoyed and cautious about calls and advertising. Sally rarely notices the occurrence, it is just one of many things s that happen in a day.

On the most part, we wouldn't have a discussion about people's beliefs but as friends or colleagues we may observe Harrys irritation when the phone rings, or hear him complain about all t he advertising and pressure. Interestingly, the topic of phone advertising is likely to not even come up around Sally.